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Last month a lump was found under my best friend’s arm by her masseuse and she saw her doctor and did some tests, and was then referred to a pediatric oncologist. From the very start, she insisted that everything was totally fine because the symptoms she had were very similar to ones she had when she had mono when she was younger (weight loss, horrible night sweats that made her an insomniac, these marks on her back that looked like chicken pox but weren’t), and that it wasn’t anything serious. She’d hurt her arm and shoulder really badly in April (which is why she was at the physical therapist getting a massage) and had had a ton of tests then that hadn’t shown any lumps or anything at all, so she said the lump they found in July had to be nothing. Okay, so I was all on board with what she said, but now I know that it’s not true, that she really is sick. I don’t know if she’s just in denial or if she is having like a mental breakdown or something or what, but she has never been a liar or dishonest and she keeps telling me she’s totally fine and is refusing to get treatment. For months she had been fund raising and planning for this trip to China to volunteer, and her parents had told her that she couldn’t go after the whole cancer thing happened, but on the same day as the MRI she went ahead and met up with her group at the airport and flew off. She sent an email to her parents and to me saying she knew she was fine and there wasn’t a point waiting for the test results anyway. Okay, so then the results came in and her parents have been trying to get me to get her to come home, and it’s gotten really, really, really bad. It’s been almost three weeks now and my friend is still refusing to come home. She’s not suicidal. She’s not had a psychological problem before. She just graduated from high school a year early as the valedictorian, and is supposed to go to Stanford, so there’s no question about her being smart. She’s always been sort of rebellious, but not like a drug user or anything really bad. So I don’t understand what’s going on with her. She has this really intense needle phobia and hates hospitals, like way more than most people, so I don’t know if she’s just that scared she can’t face reality or what. Is it normal to be in denial like that? Have you ever known someone totally sane do something sort of insane after getting news like that?
Her other friend asked a question about her last night, so if this seems like a repeat that’s why, but this isn’t a fake situation, it’s completely real. It’s just honestly that weird.
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This girl is telling the truth. I know the story sounds a little odd, but it is true. I have answered several of her questions from the beginning and there is no way she is making this up. Some of you may know I am not a push over kind of person. I was 95% sure her friend had lymphoma before the results were back even when she was not ready to believe it yet.
Lars,
I’m sure the reason for her behavior is a combination of a lot of things and I doubt she could put it into words herself and may not understand it or see it yet. She may be able to talk herself into believing this is another bout of mono and she will be fine like last time. The symptoms are very similar, but somewhere inside she must know she cannot explain away the biopsy results. I don’t know if I told you before, but having mono is a risk factor for lymphoma.
honestly, shes scared to death. She wants something to take her mind off of the fact that she has cancer. She needs to be with her family and closest friends. I would if i was her parents go and get her asap.
thats a good question. my aunt just got diagnosed with brain cancer and i feel like im more worried than she is
Hmm…Why would anyone in their right mind run away from conventional cancer medications/treatments? Plenty of reasons.
1. I was on cancer meds and stopped taking them without my doctor’s consent. Health greatly improved as a result of this decision.
2. After seeing what had happened to me, when my dad got cancer, he did not do one day of conventional treatment. He went straight to the stuff that works: Apricot Seeds! (vitamin B-17)
3. Billy Best ran away from home at 15 to avoid cancer treatment. He seems very smart and perfectly fine to me…
Maybe it just something smart people do. They avoid conventional cancer treatment.
PS: I don’t know why people are all up on your case about asking this question. Ask all you want!
She is running away from her problems. She probably doesn’t want to face the fact that she may be seriously sick. She is also not a liar if she tells you she is fine. She probably does feel fine but she doesn’t want to worry you.
Youve been asking this a lot. THe simple fact is this.. She is a teenager. Teenagers think nothing will happen to them, nothing can be wrong with them. There is a real biological reason for that, as your frontal lobe isnt fully developed until the early 20s.
If she really does have cancer, and I was her parent, I would be on a plane to go get her and bring her home whether she wants to come home or not. She IS still a teenager.
So much with these questions about this girl. Most of us are probably thinking the same thing. Something’s a little off with all these posts. Who is this girl? Do the people that know her on here, know her personally, like call her on the phone and hang out? You know, that kind of knowing. If this was a real story, she’s underage and if there was any possiblity of anything being wrong, her parents wouldn’t let her go anywhere. Most of the time, when people insist it’s real, not fake…it’s fake or they’ve been had.
And in Harbin, where she’s supposed to be staying, there’s just a light rain for today and tomorrow, then sunny the rest of the week. There would be no flight cancellations for the surroundling area.
I can understand your friends actions. She’s scared and in shock. She spent months planning for that trip to China and like someone above said, it gave her a good distraction from her problems. Also if she knows she’s going to need a lot of treatment and won’t be able to go anywhere for a while maybe she wanted to live life to the fullest while she could. You said she still felt fine, and she’s probably not lying about that. I think it’s incredibly brave and admirable to go volunteer in China. It doesn’t mean she’s denying reality or being rebellious. Everyone copes with things their own way. She’s a teenager who must have worked her butt off for years to get into a school like Stanford, and if I was in her shoes I’d feel devastated and angry that cancer had happened to me. She sounds like a really fantastic girl who is just scared out of her mind. I think it’s a blessing that she is a minor because it will be easier to have someone else take over. Her parents will bring her home I’m sure.
People who have criticized them for not going there yet are ignorant about international travel or what’s going on in China. Like the person above said, you have to have a passport and the visa to go and you don’t get either overnight.
People have no right to criticize you for asking questions here. The site is intended for asking questions. I don’t doubt what you are saying at all, especially after reading your past questions. April I can understand you being cynical about things online, but there are some feelings you just dont need to share. This definitely isn’t a case that just screams hoax like other internet crap you see. Why rub salt in the girl’s wound?
She is running away from her problems and she is in denial,she is in a total shock and can’t believe this is happening to her,she does not want to face reality right now she feels she is too young to get cancer and she does not know how to react to what is happening to her.She wants to live her life in the fullest before they tell her she can’t .
One of the biggest things with cancer is that patients want as much NORMAL in their lives as possible. Your friend was probably irritated at the possibility that this would disrupt the plans she had been making for a long time. That’s definitely understandable.
But yes, I would say denial. Denial is the first stage of dealing with something difficult, and her problem is compounded by her hatred of hospitals and needles.
When she is ready to deal with her condition, she still may not want a lot of people to know she is ill. Some people don’t care if everyone knows, and some people feel like it is very private information and they would prefer it if most people thought they were perfectly fine.
Does she have lymphoma or leukemia or what?
It’s not uncommon for people to be in denial after receiving such life-altering news like a loved one’s death or a serious illness, especially in young people. It would be a lot for anyone to cope with, and even tougher on a teenager. I couldn’t believe that my wife had cervical cancer even after being with her when she was told, and I was 33 at the time. I was just in shock. I snapped out of it quickly and started doing the research, but had I been a kid I probably wouldn’t have been able to as easily. It sounds like this girl has worked hard for years to get into a good college and all that and was about to start an exciting part of her life. Nobody could blame her for having a hard time accepting that her future is going to be different than what she worked for. Her fear of needles and hospitals just makes it harder for her to accept. She’s probably terrified out of her mind. The China trip gives her a distraction so she doesn’t have to think about what she’s facing. What she has is Nodular Sclerosing Hodgkin’s Lymphoma, and that’s good because it’s one of the most treatable types of cancer. My cousin had it when she was 28, and she got treatment and is doing very well now. Mono could have contributed to your friend getting hodgkins, and it doesn’t usually come twice in life, so I don’t think that’s what her symptoms would be. If your friend gets home and gets the treatment her prognosis is good. She probably will make it to Stanford if she gets her treatment, but it will just take some time. Try to not scare her any more than she already is and try to talk her into coming home. Friends can be better at talking one another into things at that age than parents can.
To April – you have to take everything on the web with a grain of salt, but I think this girl is telling the truth. I read some of the old questions she asked, and nothing is raising a red flag to me. I saw a question she asked apparently before the health scare with her friend happened where she linked a video of them singing (I assume the other girl is the same best friend she’s talking about here), and there are dozens of videos on that site, so it’s not an imaginary kid. Please really consider things before making accusations, like how a kid would feel if she was trying to get help for her best friend and had someone from the internet criticizing her for it or making accusations. I don’t think most people who read this girl’s questions would think it was a fake.
China requires foreigners to have a visa to get into the country, so her parents couldn’t have just gotten onto the first flight out. They might not have even had passports or the funds. Lars is also right about China having a lot of problems at the moment with the flooding so I reckon flights would be harder to get.
Lars, my daughter was with me when I pulled up that video and she thought you were both pretty and talented. She’s also a dancer and loved watching your friend’s videos. I’m sure your parents are proud of both of you. I wish you all a happy outcome.