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deny that anything was wrong?
Last month a lump was found under my best friend’s arm by her masseuse and she saw her doctor and did some tests, and was then referred to a pediatric oncologist. From the very start, she insisted that everything was totally fine because the symptoms she had were very similar to ones she had when she had mono when she was younger (weight loss, horrible night sweats that made her an insomniac, these marks on her back that looked like chicken pox but weren’t), and that it wasn’t anything serious. She’d hurt her arm and shoulder really badly in April (which is why she was at the physical therapist getting a massage) and had had a ton of tests then that hadn’t shown any lumps or anything at all, so she said the lump they found in July had to be nothing. Okay, so I was all on board with what she said, but now I know that it’s not true, that she really is sick. I don’t know if she’s just in denial or if she is having like a mental breakdown or something or what, but she has never been a liar or dishonest and she keeps telling me she’s totally fine and is refusing to get treatment. For months she had been fund raising and planning for this trip to China to volunteer, and her parents had told her that she couldn’t go after the whole cancer thing happened, but on the same day as the MRI she went ahead and met up with her group at the airport and flew off. She sent an email to her parents and to me saying she knew she was fine and there wasn’t a point waiting for the test results anyway. Okay, so then the results came in and her parents have been trying to get me to get her to come home, and it’s gotten really, really, really bad. It’s been almost three weeks now and my friend is still refusing to come home. She’s not suicidal. She’s not had a psychological problem before. She just graduated from high school a year early as the valedictorian, and is supposed to go to Stanford, so there’s no question about her being smart. She’s always been sort of rebellious, but not like a drug user or anything really bad. So I don’t understand what’s going on with her. She has this really intense needle phobia and hates hospitals, like way more than most people, so I don’t know if she’s just that scared she can’t face reality or what. Is it normal to be in denial like that? Have you ever known someone totally sane do something sort of insane after getting news like that?
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Hi, firstly I believe you and if my best friend was in this position, I’d be doing everything I could to try and understand what’s going on so I get why your asking this question more than once.
I think like many other people said she is probably in denial and I dont think she’s meaning to lie but she just is convincing herself she’s fine even though that’s irrational. She also probably doesn’t want to face reality and going to another country is probably one of the most effective ways to get away from your trouble.
The fact that high schools ending and she’s going onto college means it’s most likely a big period of change and the cancer scare on top of this would be very hard to handle even for the most mature of people. Also if she has a fear of needle’s and hospitals thats obviously going to make it worse.
I have known quite a few people who usually mature happy and bright when faced with extreme fear or grief have behaved extremely irrational but still understandably so. Bottling up and blocking out feelings is most likely just going to make things worse for your friend.
Do the people who she is with in china know what is going on with her. Even if she doesn’t want them too you should try and tell them as they could help convince her to go home. I don’t know how you are going to bring her home against her will but I hope she will soon realize what she is doing is not helping and come home on her own. Otherwise hopefully her step-dad can get another flight, find her and bring her home.
I hope every thing works out and that your friend is ok!
she is in denial she has heard a lot of things about how ppl with cancer die all the time she is scared you need to get her home and treated she needs everyones support
She is fine with it because she’s already accepted her death.
She’s in denial and most likely shock at her age. I think at some point she would “accept” it and fight it like heck. Right now it’s to much to accept–she just can’t right now.
It sounds like she has accepted it, but she is trying not to let it get her to down, and keep her form living. Maybe she is just trying to be strong for you and for her family. And if there is treatment then perhaps she is just being hopeful. (:
Denial sounds right. My sister’s friend had Hodgkins at the same age, and it’s treatable if you catch it early. She did the whole whole chemo thing, lost her hair- I thought she wouldn’t make it. She’s 39 and has 3 kids, which was supposed to be impossible. Have you talked to her parents about it? Maybe you can gang up on her. She’s scared. Sometimes it’s easier when someone tells you what to do. Poor thing.
well denial is the first stage, so yes, its pretty normal to convince yourself that everything is fine. if its lymphoma, then she can start treatment as soon as she gets back. i know that is horrible to wait even a day, but she convinced herself that she was fine. i hope she can get a grasp on this because she can totally make a full recovery and be a survivor, good luck